King Mswati III.

King Mswati III.

Our staff hasn’t touched on Swaziland for a while, especially since it’s April name change to eSwatini (though to be fair, aside from the King Mswati III no one has embraced the name either), which is why PD has decided to use this Wednesday as a little Swazi catch up.

No Scores For Those Government Sponsored

School might be out for summer, but more than 3,200 students (about half of all University of Swaziland students) are being denied their final scores, as the eSwatini Government has neglected to pay their tuition fees in an unannounced withdraw of financial aid.

If the students want their semester scores, they’re going to have to pay for them on their own.

VAT Jump

Citizens had to be beyond pleased to find the country’s VAT leapt from 1% to 15% in March, after all, why pay 1% when you can pay 15%?

Prepping for the African Union Summit 2020

Like Hillary Clinton, King Mswati III is eagerly awaiting 2020, having decided to spend $125 Million on a new hotel and conference center for the 8-day African Union Summit.

Speaking of which, despite the country being at least $230 Million in the hole and announcements that even public servants shouldn’t expect a salary any time soon, $30 Million was just made available for the King’s second private jet.

Foreign Romance At a Price

The man that famously said, “Once you marry someone, there is no turning back,” King Mswati III also floated new laws to make marrying a foreigner more expensive for his subjects. The Government thinks that they’re owed an extra 30,000 Swazi lilangeni (about $2,225) if your spouse is a foreigner.

Now, that's thinkin'.

Now, that’s thinkin’.

Vaccines Low

Going back to the whole debt thing with roughly $18 Million owed to drug companies as of May 2017, in a move surely to show solidarity with Kat Von D, vaccines for polio and tuberculosis are no longer available.

The Bling King

In fashion news, King Mswati III broke out his bedazzler and improved his birthday suit by adding 6 kilos of diamonds to it. Hey, he beat his country’s life expectancy rate of 49 years, clearly celebrating that calls for some serious bling.

King Mswati III even added a $1.6 Million watch to his wrist; after all, a true leader needs to be able to see what time it is, right?

A 29 Cow Penalty

It's not like King Mswati III would own a Swatch Watch.

It’s not like King Mswati III would own a Swatch Watch.

Of course, it is not easy being king. After photographs of his aforementioned new jet and now deceased eighth wife were leaked, King Mswati III was forced to fine his royal guards 29 head of cattle.

Okay, PDers. Now, you are officially caught up. You’re welcome.