According to NBA cross-dresser great Dennis Rodman and the newly released drawings of an alleged refugee, there is no hotter spot for Spring Break madness than North Korea. Kim Jong-Un’s mystical kingdom where unicorns roam and the sport of applause is practiced by all, has a little something for everyone.

IMGUR: Pregnancy is prohibited in the camps and if a woman is found pregnant the wards will cut open the woman, throw the fetus away and execute her.

Pyongyang is known to have the most advanced prenatal care in Asia, but that’s just the tip of the Korean iceberg.

IMGUR: Weakness criteria setting 170cm as standard height, if subject is 42kg, he/she is categorized as weakness level 1. If 40kg weakness level 2. If 38kg and under it is weakness level 3, and it is about to die.

Not quite ready for bikini season? Worried about those extra Santa pounds you have left over from those long Winter nights? North Korean Fat Camp counselors will have you at a Level 3, 38 kilo weight in no time.

 IMGUR: Girl being eaten by guard dogs-even when guards kill young girl it is not a crime.

Are you a big animal lover? You won’t be able to escape the North Korean cuddle hounds.

IMGUR: Prisoners live a hellish life where the only way to end the agony is through death

We might have mentioned Ri Sol-ju’s love of Dior in the past, but a love of the finer things in life is indicative of the whole citizenry. Currently big on the streets is a fun mix of eco-recy-chic and heavy metal influences.

IMGUR: The only way for prisoners to obtain meat is through catching rats.

Always on the lookout for the new exotic dishes? Then PD recommends courir le rat, a rare delicacy in the country. Be sure make to a reservation for this tasty feast well in advance as they tend to go quickly.

IMGUR: Dead body storage-because rats usually eat the eyes first, most corpses don’t have eyes.

Speaking of rare treats, for dessert eyeballs are always the first to go.

IMGUR: Clock torture.

You’ve heard Tick Tock, Ke$ha’s hit from 2010? Little did you know though, that song is actually the North Korea National Anthem. Seriously.

IMGUR: Guards consider prisoners less than bugs.

Still not fully sold on booking your ticket to the Land of Eternal Sunshine and Candied Rainbows? Still not wanting to rub the ole’ rabbit’s head for luck? Well, we have it on good authority that the King of Pop, Michael Jackson himself, will be performing inside the Hotel of Doom this April. Now, how could you possibly say no to a tour of North Korea?