Detroit Metropolitan Airport is about as good as you would expect.In the off chance you are still holding onto the glory days of flight travel, today’s story might be the one to convince you to embrace a staycation Christmas.

Apparently, the bathroom soap at Detroit Metropolitan Airport isn’t quite as antibacterial as you might think.

Officials have launched an investigation into an, “Unusual substance,” found last week in the soap dispensers in the male restrooms of the North Terminal.

That unusual substance unfortunately isn’t rosehip or even eucalyptus, instead, DTW Authorities believe it to be sperm, and not the type that has been processed and made into face creams along with foreskins (right, Cassidy?), but the type that some random passenger or employee just decided to add to the dispenser.Probably best to just bring your own hand sanitizer.

Detroit Metropolitan Airport is now looking into purchasing tamper-proof soap dispensers and are currently drawing up plans to better monitor the facility’s bathrooms.

Talk about real terror.