Given the choice between discussing a parasite’s need for taxpayer funds, and a parasite’s need for taxpayer funds to sew small weights into her garments, we’ll just take the first parasite.
This season’s Ebola, Zika has the US Centers for Disease Control (those same geniuses that brought you tips on throwing your wedding and surviving a horde of
Trump supporters zombies) busting out their TI 83’s to determine how much cash their gonna need to drop the ball on yet another virus.
Claiming that 30 States of the 50 have shown evidence of Zika transmission, with 346 confirmed cases so far, the CDC has determined that they’ll need an extra $1.9B to educate the public on the dangers of stagnate water, the perils of bug spray application and making posters at Kinko’s.
While President Obama went to procure the $1.9B in emergency taxpayer funds from Congress, the CDC’s Dr. Anne Schuchat told the White House briefing on Monday that, “Most of what we’ve learned is not reassuring. Everything we know about this virus seems to be scarier than we initially thought.”
The latest reigniting of Zika publicity has even pro golfer Vijay Singh opting out of Rio’s August Olympics. “I would like to play the Olympics, but the Zika virus, you know and all that crap.”
Of course, the Brazilian Government hasn’t undergone years of corruption to “earn” the Olympics, to have participants and tourists not show up.
Brazil’s Health Ministry announced last month that they are designing a special Zika App that will help travelers determine if they have Zika, and if so, will direct them to the nearest hospital or pharmacy.
The Zika App, slated for release in May, will also offer boilerplate mosquito prevention tips in English, Spanish, French, Portuguese, Russian, Chinese and Arabic.