Europe---on a good day.If you think that John Kerry, jumping Joe Biden, and Hillary Clinton duking it out for 2016 sounds ridiculous, then please allow PD to introduce you to just a few of the ins-and-outs of the Czech political landscape.

This weekend Czechs will mark names on the ballot for their slice of “representation” in the Europe Union. Oh, Czechs…ever the optimists.

 

Why cherries are never in fashion.

First, the leaders of the top two parties expected to win were all Communist Party members/leaders in the 1980’s. The actual Communist Party Head now isn’t among those two.

Irony? No. Just politics.

The hardliner nationalist candidate against immigration in the Czech Republic is the Japanese born Tomio Okamura, whose campaign promises include finally doing something about all of those gypsies (think welfare recipients, not crystal balls). Who does the Dawn (dawn, where have we heard that before?) of Direct Democracy Head believe the perfect person to put in charge of that is? Why it’s Klára Samková, whose husband is a gypsy of course.

He’s really a slightly more handsome and tiny bit poorer John Kerry.

The second richest man in the country, founder of the ANO 2011 party, and former StB collaborator (the Czech answer to the KGB) long face Andrej Babiš is applauded in the Czech media for his green business practices, while mandating Czech cars use more biofuels which actually are worse for the environment.

Of course that is a far cry from a turtle tunnel.

Or Mr. Proper, as it’s called in the Czech Republic.

Speaking of which, ANO’s Pavel Telička’s key platform is based on helping out those poor Czech farmers that were hurt by legislation and backroom deals that he himself headed. To think some of you out there believe John Kerry speaks out of both sides of his mouth when it comes to Israel, clearly he’s got nothing on Mr. Clean Telička.

There's nothing better.

The candidate from TOP 09, a party that today is staging a 2k Run for Europe (a race that the Czech libertarian party Svobodni has decided to run in the opposite direction, calling it the Run Against Tyranny) Jiří Pospíšil six months ago was the head of the Euro-realist or Euro-skeptic party ODS.

The campaign photos are even worse on this side of the Atlantic.

Finally, the parties expected to see the largest increase of seats in the European Parliament are those parties that are running on dissolving the European Union.

Welcome to Czech politics.