The NSA is like Santa…only less jolly and with worse presents. German Chancellor Angela Merkel apparently isn’t too pleased to have found out that she’s one of the 35 billion world leaders whose phone was tapped by Obama’s NSA.

So while the mainstream media does their hardest to wash the Messiah’s hands clean from this sticky verhältnisse (in this case trying to portray Obama as a modern Sergeant Schultz) the PD staff thought we should take a closer look at the NSA of yesterday—or last week.

Dead ringer for Helen Thomas (too soon?), California Senator Dianne Feinstein took a fifteen minute or so break from getting everyone’s guns but hers banned, and from her perch on top of the Senate Intelligence Committee explained how the NSA wasn’t spying on anyone at all—ever, in any way, shape, or form.If I find my bikini snaps online so help me I’ll---

Her USA Today op-ed went a little like this, “The call-records program is not surveillance. It does not collect the content of any communication, nor do the records include names or locations.”

Whew! Now we feel foolish.

“The NSA only collects the type of information found on a telephone bill: phone numbers of calls placed and received, the time of the calls and duration. The Supreme Court has held this ‘metadata’ is not protected under the Fourth Amendment.”

Uh…Dianne, isn’t that a horse of a different color then?

Say wha?After Feinstein tried to tame the NSA monster in the eyes of the peasants public, Edward Snowden surfaced again last Thursday, with a relatively minor contradiction of Feinstein’s op-ed. Namely that she was completely wrong.

“Today, no telephone in America makes a call without leaving a record with the NSA. Today, no Internet transaction enters or leaves America without passing through the NSA’s hands. Our representatives in Congress tell us this is not surveillance. They’re wrong.”

How do you like them apples? Happy Monday!