We’d like to give a big old fashioned
fuck you thank you to Barneys New York, for making it official: We’re All Anorexics Now.
Since 1923, Barneys New York has been at the head of the fashion mafia syndicate, taking advice from and rubbing elbows with Edward Bernays. Heck, nothing quite says social engineering like their upcoming Electric Holiday campaign.
Electric holiday , you say? Will there be dancing incandescent light bulbs of yesteryear and a lamé ode to Tesla? Nope. While the moniker for the campaign would have better fit the 1970’s Electric Company (the offshoot of the progressive hotbed Sesame Street), this collaboration is with Disney.
You know, Disney. The happiest place on the planet? Home of the original power couple, Mickey and Minnie Mouse? The cartoons that gleamed across your eyes every single Saturday morning of your childhood? Yeah, that Disney.
With Louis Vuitton trying to convince the masses that polka dots are the epitome of fashion, the House of Mouse really has stocked up on the endorsement deals recently. PD has no problem with that. In principal, taking childhood icons and cross marketing them can work beautifully—-but don’t take beloved characters and turn them into something they never were and were never meant to be.
For example, PD doesn’t recall Minnie every being a coked up, bone bag bitch.
Barneys’ creative director, Dennis Freedman, successfully managed to turn American tots’ favorite friends into glorified, whorified douches. Congrats! Sure, Barneys is trying to hide behind this mass clusterfuck attack on American self-image, by saying the campaign is meant only for adults, not kids. Ooooh, PD wasn’t aware that children never walked past Barneys’ shop windows, or weren’t allowed to accompany their parents to department stores.
Freedman did though manage to explain the need to make a mouse into an emaciated ferret, “The standard Minnie Mouse will not look so good in a Lanvin dress.”
Oh really? And why is that, Dennis? Lanvin only looks good when you’re at your birth weight with a permanent disdainful grimace on your face?
In order to get customers to buy, Daisy Duck needs to look like a total ignorant bitch with fingers bonier than the Crypt Keeper’s? The only way you can shift merchandise during December is by having Goofey look like a more douchebaggy version of anti-Semite John Paul Galliano?
Well, that’s just dandy. What’s the campaign for next year? Sex in Riverdale? Betty and Veronica can be crack-smoking egg donors, and a rail thin, AIDS carrying Archie can be performing head on Jughead, while Mr. Weatherbee masturbates with the aid of a live hamster shoved up in his lipo-ed ass.