The perfect Vladentine.

The perfect Vladentine.

Still not sure what to give your benevolent dictator this Vladentine’s Day? Afraid Trump might forget this year, so your gift has to be all that much more thoughtful to lift Putin’s spirits?

Don’t worry, as always, PD’s got you covered.

This Vladentine’s Day we suggest wowing Vladimir Putin with a book.

Of course, there are a few guidelines you should follow to be assured of a smile and not a one-way trip to the emotional gulag.

The Guide:

Oh, Vlad! What a nice Vladentine.

Oh, Vlad! What a nice Vladentine.

First, it was mentioned back in a 2000 Washington Post article that Putin said, “I don’t read books by people who have betrayed the Motherland.”

So avoid any authors that suddenly died of radiation poisoning under mysterious circumstances.

Second, that’s not to say that you should skip over any titles having to do with the KGB.

As a former KGB man, Putin was quoted by Constantine C. Menges in 2005’s China: The Gathering Threat as saying, “My notion of the KGB came from romantic spy stories. I was a pure and utterly successful product of Soviet patriotic education.”

A very creepy Vladentine.

A very creepy Vladentine.

Still not sure what book to get Putin?

Well, in an interview with NPR, back in 2001, Vladimir did say in low, calming tones that, “I love the Russian classics very much. The Russian classical literature, but I also read modern literature. As far as Russian literature is concerned, I am very fond of Tolstoy and Chekhov, and I also enjoy reading Gogol very much.”

You’re welcome!