Show some Chavist love, get a gift card!President Nicolas Maduro, with a possible lynching recall breathing down his neck, is pulling out all the stops to save his socialist utopia Venezuela.

First, parroting a 2004 voter tactic of Hugo Chavez, Maduro has started issuing special Chavista or Bolivarian cards, which serve as a type of gift card for true government supporters.

The cards, which were handed out door to door in most areas, hold roughly $70 to be used at State-run pharmacies and grocery stores, with the cards being topped up monthly.Don’t mind the members of the military guarding what few rations the supermarket is selling this week.

Secondly, this week Maduro announced that all State employees that can be furloughed without a drop in production will be mandated to take 3 day weekends for the next two months (April and May).

Maduro believes that this bout of vacationing will not only help those Chavistas suckling at the teat of the Venezuelan Government relax, but will also help to stem the nationwide energy crisis, since those people will be at home, where thanks to inflation there is nothing to plugin.

Crush capitalism with your Chavista card.Third, President Maduro also admitted that the Venezuelan Government shouldn’t have to provide everything, saying this week that shopping malls and hotels should really be generating their own electricity…you know, for 9 hours a day. The other 15 hours, of course the Government will maybe possibly probably cover.So what if Venezuela can’t even print their own money themselves anymore…Socialism is working!

Perhaps with all of that electricity they’ll be saving, maybe the Central Bank of Venezuela will be able to pay off their $262,647,997 debt to the De La Rue currency printing house, in England.

Happy Friday and enjoy your long weekend!