It’s a good thing that private companies don’t already do this---wait! They do.Ronald Reagan might have said that the most terrifying words in the English language are, “I’m from the Government, and I’m here to help,” but nowadays, with a Yellen monetary printing press and citizens being taught from Kindergarten that they are incapable of doing anything without the helping hand and approval from the political class, it has become second nature to look for Government’s guidance from who to have in the bedroom to what to do in the kitchen.

While sure, Nancy Pelosi has been saying since 2013 that, “The cupboards are bare. There are no more cuts to make,” for the last 30 years the USDA has had a special Meat and Poultry Hotline to aid Americans in preparing their Thanksgiving feasts.Spending fun with Pelosi.

Six people man the phones from 10 to 4 in the lead up to the big day and from 8 to 2 EST on Thanksgiving itself.

Taxpayer funds go to this in order to prevent your fellow citizens from googling or Government Gods forbid, typing in the word, “Turkey,” into Pinterest.

“Unsafe handling and undercooking of your turkey can lead to serious foodborne illness,” USDA Deputy Under Secretary for Food Safety Al Almanza has said. “USDA’s Food Safety and Inspection Service has a variety of food safety resources to help with any questions related to preparing Thanksgiving dinner, including our Meat and Poultry Hotline that will be staffed will helpful experts on Thanksgiving Day.”

Turkeys and the US Government have a long and colored relationship.That number by the way is 1-888-674-6854 and is available in both English and Spanish.

Seriously.