Were you glued to the Youtube screen last weekend when the video surfaced of Jordanian MP Mohammed Shawabka going all Mid-East meets Wild West on a live television debate? No? You weren’t? You haven’t seen it? Then put those nuke codes to the side, tell Jackie she can finish the Smither’s account herself (she really wants to anyway, be nice and throw her that bone), and jack your HP speakers up. It’s time for Debate Etiquette 101.

 

Shawabka is the guy on your right, the one who looks a bit like a slightly balder Humphrey Bogart. Watch this dude closely. The guy he’s debating is Mansour Sayf al-Din Murad, a self-proclaimed political activist. The middle hair gel fan, trying to reign in the testosterone is Mohammed Habashneh. Don’t these names just fly off the tongue?Calm logical debates.

Okay, PD’s Arabic is a bit rusty, but the convo goes something like:

Humphrey Bogart Shawabka- You Israeli pig!

Mansour – No, you’re the Israeli pig! You dress like a Moussad member!

Mohammed Habashneh- Please, please calm down.

Humphrey Bogart Shawabka- You’re Momma does!

Mansour – No, you’re Mom! You are a Jewish pig from a Jewish pig mother!

Humphrey Bogart Shawabka- Allah says you’re an uncircumcised camel’s ass!

Mohammed Habashneh- Please, please calm down!

Mansour – You Israeli dog! You spy for Syria!

Humphrey Bogart Shawabka- Say that again to my face! Say that again to my face!

Mohammed Habashneh- Please, please, please calm down!

Quick Draw McGaw.Then the shit hits the fan when at the 1 minute 34 second mark, Bogart reaches down to rip off his shoe that he flings at Mansour. Fortunately for Mansour that IKEA desk table flipped over like a tea cake and blocked the full-on shoe attack.

Bogart then does an old man double tug on his grey slacks to free his white handled revolver. Glasses off, Mansour comes back into the ring, and it’s on like an episode of Jersey Shore Season 40. Pauly D (Habashneh) stays in the middle of the shoving match trying to mediate the tension, but Ronnie is all on Situation’s shit ready to call his bluff.

Riveting programing. And people think Bill O’Reilly is an aggressive debater! Please, he’s got nothing on these guys.

Let that be a lesson to all of you fresh-face debaters out there. Next time, come prepared to the battle field of ideas, with slip-on loafers and your favorite .45. Tell the coroner you picked up that tip from PD.

Actually, our lawyers have just informed us that telling you to credit us is a bad idea. Don’t say you got the idea here! Say you got it from Mohammed Habashneh’s, Debate Happy Hour and Good Fortunate from Allah to You.