Slavery, the new black.Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Daash has finally outlined the correct Allah-inspired ins and outs of having sex slaves.

The fatwa for female captives covers whether or not you can have sex with both a mother and daughter slave set, which even for the sleaze of Daash was ruled to be in poor taste. They ruled that in that case, it really should just be one or the other. The same goes for two slave sisters. Pick one.

Now, say a father and son want to share the same sex slave—uh…for the Daash higher ups it’s best to avoid that, and honestly the organization takes so many sex slaves everyday it’s definitely not hard to get your own.

Daash also would prefer that you do not give your female slave assignments she cannot possibly perform, like having to dust off a high shelf if she is short. Instead rape her, and have all of your dusting done by the tall ones.That’s one way to look at it.

Also, as PD’s covered before, you shouldn’t have intercourse with your sex slave if they’re on the rag— that’s just basic haram. Supposing your sex slave gets knocked up, as a responsible slave owner, you can’t resale them or force them to have an abortion and as during menstruation, you should avoid raping them while they are pregnant. After, feel free to go at it again.

Finally, for sex slaves every type of sex is fine, expect for sodomy— as you know, sodomy is always serious.

Whew, good to have all of that cleared up, right?