Now that’s a high rate of homicide. What does every little Venezuelan boy and girl want from Papa Noel this year?

Is it to make the inappropriate tickle-me sex trade to stop? How about a coffin for their Abuelita to be buried in, so they won’t have to rent? Or the latest gaming console?

Nope, as our staff forecasted two years ago, it’s bulletproof clothing.

Kevlar, baby!

It seems long lines and shortages on toilet paper have led to Venezuela earning the rank as number two for most homicides in the world, clocking in 65 violent deaths per day, with a bonus of 4 kidnappings per week.Maybe Maduro can force Papa Noel to cough up some Kevlar.

Honduras took the top slot of course, but now the it holiday item in Maduro’s glorious utopia is Kevlar for all ages.

In fact, the situation there is so bad (something we also forecasted long ago) that few people even dare leaving their homes at night.

Feliz Navidad!