It’s been proved by the scientists at Estée Lauder that after a devastating breakup or the hearing of colossally bad news, such as the loss of a job, family member, or the Supreme Court’s recent ruling on Obama Care, women experience a strong compulsion to drastically change up their appearance. This behavior has been shown to signify a process of going from intense grief and abject suffering, to a place of psychological rebirth and strength. Similar studies conducted at the University of Cosmo also support this thesis.
While old media pundits pat themselves on the back and try to spin the newly dubbed, “Robert’s Debacle,” PD is more interested in helping you get to that psychological rebirth place.
The tip dyeing, sometimes referred to as the less eloquent dip dyeing, hair trend has been getting major play since the beginning of this year. Tip dyeing is the kid sister to the Lite-Brite color highlights pushed by the major players of VH1’s Tool Academy, back in 2010.
Tip dyeing is basically the act or art of dyeing the tips of normally colored hair, with bright hues of orange, pink, purple, blue; really any automatic color. Getting this done professionally can set a girl back $50+, and can also end up lasting two long months. Those are two major negatives, as this look is one partaken usually in times of insanity, and acute stress and sadness, which is what us here at PD are going for now. Consequently, tip dyeing isn’t really something you want to wake up to day after day for two months. Two weeks on the other hand, we can all stomach, including our employers.
Thus PD presents, “Tip Dyeing with Kool Aid.”
First skip over to your local Wawa (“Have you ever been to Wawa’s? Where do you get your sandwiches?”), and pick up a packet of Sugar Free Kool Aid Mix. Sugar free is the way to go, when doing any hair dyeing, or when combating diabetes. Obviously whatever color mixture you buy, will be the color of your dye. The cost could put you back anywhere between 30¢ to 3€ depending upon the country you reside in.
Next, rush home and dump your mix into one cup of water, then bring that to a full boil. If your hair is longer, or your base color is darker, double the amount of the Kool Aid mixture and the water. Once boiling, pour your freshly made dye into a heat-safe bowl, and submerge the tips of your hair in it. Keep that position for five minutes.
Use those five minutes to think about what a strong, wilily, intelligent woman you are, and how mankind has faced terrible times before. Replay Charlie Chaplin’s famous Dictator speech in your head.
Gently dry your hair with paper towels, and clean up any accidental spills—that shit stains.
And volia! There you go. Lovely, tip dyed tresses, and my word, don’t you feel so much better?
Fortunately this pissing all over on the constitution happened near the end of the week, which means us grieving libertarian ladies now have the entire weekend to get our hairstyle meds in order.