Thanks to John Boehner a lot of people just decided to join Cruz Control. Former Speaker of the House and full-time drunk, John Boehner put his box of wine down long enough to give 2016 candidate Senator Ted Cruz the best endorsement of the primary season, though ulimatingly it did little good for a Nation deadset on suicide.

When asked by a crowd at Stanford on April 27th, how he felt about Cruz, Boehner slurred, “Lucifer in the flesh…I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”

If you listen closely you can almost still hear the Cruz campaign cheering, at what should have been a slamdunk for a Ted Cruz nomination.Now, if only Kim Jong-un will come out in support of Trump, as Putin has…

Then Boehner went on to talk about fellow spray tanner Donald Trump. “Donald Trump and I are friends. Uh… We play a lot of golf over the years. We used to be texting buddies. He’d call once a month, pat me on the back and cheer me up.”

Awe, isn’t that special?

When asked about Boehner’s remarks by Jake Tapper on CNN, Senator Cruz explained, “I think Boehner kinda let out his inner Trump, and he had some colorful imagery there, but it’s interesting, when Boehner was attacking me, he praised Hillary Clinton. He thinks she’s terrific, and he praised Donald Trump. He said Donald is his friend, his golfing buddy, his texting buddy and there’s a reason if you like, if you want to see the next President as a Boehner Republican, then Donald Trump is your man.”

“Pats on the back…”Further adding that, “If you look at Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump and John Boehner, they’re all part of the same corrupt Washington system where the rich get richer, the powerful and the lobbyists use government power for personal benefit.”

Despite the Republican Primary having come to a close, PD would like to take a moment to thank the former Speaker, for at least doing his part to get Cruz elected.