Come on, people! Is this piece of poultry scarier than a Trump Presidency? You might think that with a title of Turkey Fears we’d be covering the continuing purge of Erdogan’s Turkey (how many people can there even be left anyway at this point?) and the extended State of Emergency there, but today we actually want to talk about some emergency calls about turkeys.

You know, gobble, gobble.

Last week, we railed against former 911 operator Crenshanda Williams and her quote of, “Ain’t nobody got time for this. For real,” but if she had said that after the following calls, PD might have to side with her.

Dispatcher: Davis Police Department, how can I help you?

Caller 1: Yes, this is almost embarrassing. I am trying to get into my office on G Street in Davis and I have this huge turkey surrounding my car, circling me and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to run it over, but I can’t stay in my car all morning, is there any advice you can give me?

Yeah, ain’t nobody got time for this. For real.

Dispatcher: Davis Police Department, how can I help you?

Caller 2: Hi, um, I got a turkey here that just won’t let me leave… It just put me in a corner and I can’t exactly go anywhere.”The city of Davis has even had to post signs on how to deal with turkeys to stop the influx of 911 calls.

Dispatcher: Davis Police Department, how can I help you?

Caller 3: Um yeah, so, there’s a turkey between 4th and on 5th and F that’s running around chasing after people and this was like, it was attacking, pretty much attacking a guy.”

Seriously, people? You’re calling emergency services, because you are scared of a turkey?

Apparently the people of Davis, California haven’t realized that they are either A.) Much bigger than a turkey, or B.) Much smarter.

Perhaps the jury is still out on B. 

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