Apparently Muppet eyebrows are the crème de la crème of chic this season. Do you find grocery shopping to be a terrible and perplexing experience, and not just on holidays when some stores have limited hours? Well, Michelle Antoinette Obama seems to think you do.

Sandwiched in-between two poster-sized nutrition labels in late February, FLOTUS stunned a roomful of worshipers reporters when she said that most American moms simply didn’t have her degree of Target savvy.

“So there you stood, alone in some aisle in a store, the clock ticking away at the precious little time remaining to complete your weekly grocery shopping, and all you could do was scratch your head, confused and bewildered, and wonder, is there too much sugar in this product? Is 50% of the daily allowance of riboflavin a good thing or a bad thing? And how on Earth could this teeny little package contain five whole servings?”

After all the First Lady is a certified health expert, what with her promotion of a water and kale based diet and those scrumptious school lunches she’s mandated that all of the kiddos can’t wait to throw away up down their gullets.And to think all of that was in her teleprompter…

Finishing of course with a flourish, Michelle went onto say, “This stream of questions and worries running through your head when all you really wanted to know was, should I be eating this or not? Is this good for my kids or not? And if it is healthy, how much of it should I be eating? But unless you had a thesaurus, a calculator, a microscope, or a degree in nutrition, you were out of luck. So you felt defeated, and you just gave up and went back to buying the same stuff you always buy.”

Wow, talk about setting the bar low for your citizenry.

Wouldn’t it be great if someone super smart like Cass Sunstein or some glorious Administrator just told the American people what to eat, and what to think? Told the American people what to say and what job to do, and who should breed? Wouldn’t that just be so much easier?