If you live in Massachusetts, the Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem state, and have yet to snatch up that wedding gift for your bosses’ daughter, be forewarned that heading to your local Williams-Sonoma for that pressure cooker will be a waste of time.
Oh yeah. This extremely respectful company has just said that they will be taking pressure cookers off the shelves out of respect, you know, because of respect. Aretha Franklin and Cass Sunstein would be proud.
A manager was quick to explain the retail giant’s reasoning, “It’s a temporary thing out of respect.”
Of course, one cannot be too careful---what if one of those pressure cookers were to decide that they were fed up being put to use three times a year only to canning strawberry jelly, and would just go off---in some type of jelly explosion? It would take hours to clean, and you’d have ants until the four horsemen of the apocalypse show up.
It was also revealed recently by the Associated Press that the two Boston bombers participated in this disturbing ritual where they would suck in oxygen into their lungs and then they’d let it go after a beat in what has been described by the higher ups at Williams-Sonoma as a form of, “Disrespectful exhaling.”
Boston PD and now the LA PD have issued a request to the public to immediately report anyone seen conducting such a maneuver.
Remember, comrades, if you see something say something.