Political Dresser

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Soon to be Banned: Killer Heels

File these under: Call Girl Special.Work as a call girl in advertising? Occasionally have to interact with the shadier elements of life? Are the remnants of the handsier members of Occupy Wall Street camped out on your front step? With the government acquisition of the whistle industry, and the subsequent restrictions on firearms in favor of a push for rape whistles, ladies on the go aren’t quite sure how to protect themselves on the (since the sequester) mean streets.

As much of the Nation is already doing economically, we advise looking to Texas to see what damsels in distress are doing there.

A woman in Houston's Museum District was arrested early Sunday morning, for stabbing her male companion to death with her stiletto shoes. Whether the heels were Jimmy Choo or Manolo Blahnik is yet to be revealed, but the woman in question, Ana Lilia Trujillo has been charged with murder.

Was this an eHarmony meet up gone wrong, a drug powwow, or simply a fetish tap that got carried away? Well, that’s for the Texas courts to decide.

Now, PD on the whole does not advocate wearing stilettos. Unable to withstand cobblestone, and sunk in sand, stilettos, like most things from the 80’s, just aren’t practical. Of course, if you are worried about your safety, and are more inclined to stay and fight, than to take flight, well…why not?

For summer checkout these babies, we’ve found.Killer heels.

If you decided to pick up the Jaws swimsuit we showed you a few weeks back, then these Shark Attack platforms are a must, and at only $50, you’ll still have a bit leftover to score some mace.

The Gianmarco Lorenzis are a colorful €675, so if you like the neon lite-brite look you might want to hit a similar pair on ebay.

Add some rivets and spikes to go full biker, like on the stiletto booties in the upper corner. If you’ve got the time to handle a load of Boy Scout straps, then the African L.A.M.Bs could be right up your alley.

As it is summertime, naturally something safari or animal print has to be part of our PD suggestions, and we’ve got three for you.

The first and a staff personal favorite are the Aperlai green snakeskin cut-out stilettos. Their only drawback, other than the $910 price tag, is that they are done with green suede in the front. If Aperlai kept the snakeskin all the way around the shoe might be worth the price.

The second and third safari stilettos are Jimmy Choo’s Viper calf hair stiletto pump and the Giuseppe Zanotti calf hair d'Orsay stiletto. The Choo is a bit too cocktail 80’s, but the Giuseppe Zanotti works well being measure for measure mob wives.

The final two are a pair of turquoise with capped pink toe Sergio Rossi stilettos, and a pair of Lanvin strappy stilettos that have a enough forefoot base that you should still be able to run in them if need be.

What do you think, PDers? How long until the Obama Administration decides to ban assault stilettos? Even odds by midterm elections? 

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People in this conversation

  • Guest (Menia)

    I know this article is sarcastic, but really how far off is it to say that the government will ban stilettos or limit their heights, when they arrest kindergarteners for poptarts and pieces of paper?

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  • Guest (sunnyindia)


    from Posh Mata Mandir, Thane West, Thane, Maharashtra 400615
    0 Like
  • Guest (Associatedblack)

    A black pair is clearly more dangerous than a pink one.:D

    0 Like
  • Guest (Gillian)

    Love the Shark Attack platforms! So camp!

    0 Like
  • Guest (Clark)

    Would not want to be taken out by one of those, that's for sure. ;)

    0 Like


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