Political Dresser

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How To: Survive 100 Years of National Parks

Tips for Yellowstone National Park.Buffalo don’t make ideal tour guides.  Americans have been told to celebrate a century since Theodore Roosevelt’s massive land-grab, but that is proving to be deadly proposition. Don’t worry though, as always PD’s got you covered.

First, the National Park Service has their own rules which are regularly disregarded by a programmed citizenry that believes, “Surely if something is dangerous the government wouldn’t let you go there in the first place.”

Do not walk off boardwalks or the designated trails in hydrothermal areas.

This might seem like a no-brainer in places like Yellowstone, but earlier this month a twenty-somthing left the wooden walkways at Norris Geyser Basin and fell into a thermal spring which at 200F boiled him alive…or to death---depending upon how you look at it, but the bottom line is that he isn’t around to make that mistake twice.

Beautiful, but not worth dying over.

The ground in a hydrothermal area isn’t exactly stable, so venturing out for a geyser selfie really doesn’t make a lot of sense. Also, the wooden planks themselves used aren’t necessarily well cared for; it is Government run after all; sure, each plank might cost a $1 Million, but that doesn’t guarantee it won’t be rickety as all get out.

Therefore leave your Dansko’s in the car and wear shoes that you can take confident steps in.

Do not willfully remain near or approach wildlife.

So, from the first part you decided to stick on the planked areas, that’s great, but when a bison decides to make his way over to you, move. Do not make the mistake of so many others and think that buffalo respect sidewalk rules.

No respect for Government signs.

That flimsy fence? Yeah, they can be over and through that quicker than Donald Trump changes his position on foreign policy.

The NPS recommends a distance of 25 yards from wildlife, but there are those that still believe that places like Yellowstone and Sequoia are petting zoos.

25 yards really isn't that much.

Yes, you might have a bear that looks just like that at home on your bed, but the ones in National Parks will eat you. That majestic elk? Will gore you to death.

Do not remove natural or culture resources.

While you might not die from doing this douche move, you most definitely will be fined and in the end there are only so many rocks that can be taken from Acadia’s Otter Cove.

Another tip: If you are looking to get away from people, Old Faithful isn’t for you.

What say you, PDers? Is that enough common sense and personal responsibility? If not, for more tips on visiting America’s National Parks click here

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People in this conversation

  • Guest (Lola)

    You hit on what I feel is the exact point: People no longer think, because they were taught that the Govt does it for you. All problems in the United States now stem from this.

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  • Guest (Rasa)

    It is as if people can not tell what is rl and not. :(

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  • Thank you for this post. I really enjoyed your blog. You are always maintaining a good content in you post. Keep sharing much information.

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